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Monday, December 14th, 2009
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11:12 pm
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Just after a couple nights where I went through ways of taking myself out, permanently exiting
well
monday happens.
and people are pretty great, you know
we get sick, we get stressed, we eat soup and party
we reach out to each other, and give without thinking
we try to love, and fail or succeed, but at least we aren't trying to kill one another
we eat so well
we feel so good
humanity is very beautiful
and at moments like these, i can see the balance
of all the bad
in the light of all the good
and it just is
not super nor sad
and i've recognized that tingle as the om spreading through my shoulderchest
and i've acknowledged that my spirit is working hard
and that it is present within me
that we are here together
and i am healthy
i am whole
[but i have poor impulse control ;) ]
i'm leaving some of the scars behind
i'm flushing out my system some
i'm not rushing
i'm not in a hurry
i'm not reaching for the phone
i'm not going to hide
i'll read and laugh tomorrow
ill breathe and stretch
i will go to bed in a clean room
i will do something with my day
and sleep to do it again
maybe i am not everything
but i am not nothing
i am not negative,
i am not waste
and that is enough
that is truly enough
i am healthy
i am whole
i am not my body or emotions or mind
i am whole
all by myself.
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| Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
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11:47 pm - as I was, as I continue to be. rambling.
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i tell you what - there is plenty wrong with me,
but i fixed up a few old buildings...
and i planted a few trees.
children seem to like me,
and animals, too -
like the birds and the bees...
and eating a sandwich,
standing over the kitchen counter
with only the sound of chewing in the room -
i can see you as a challenge,
that i will eagerly meet...
'cuz you are way way way way sweet.
it's just that kind of evening -
that cracks open like a half shaken beer,
cool and refreshing, running down your arm,
baby, there's no other place i'd rather be...
than here, parting my periodic alarm.
you are ever true, ever new in love...
and i mean that in the best and worst way.
i don't really know what i was so mad about,
but the full moon is about a week away.
i tell you what - there is plenty wrong with you,
stuff you'd sooner fight for than cop to
i think it's just more reason why we are meant to be;
people say i look like you and you look like me...
a crazy combination of everything and nothing right...
we are way way way way way way way way way tight,
yes, we are way way way way way way way way way tight,
we are way way way way way way way way way tight.
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| Thursday, November 15th, 2007
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10:14 pm - roll on
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From a begging man
To your father's friend
And that cop who pulled me over on Beverly Grand
I've had a famous man
On his fire escape
And countless dinner dates
And a warm bed, well that's something
But that alone just ain't enough
So I roll on, roll on
But it's just no fun
When your heart belongs to a son of a gun
A shooting rifle, a firing range
I'm pistol-whipped, I'll never be the same
But I love him, yes I do
And he's gonna do what he's gonna do
So I roll on, roll on
When I knocked you down, you called my bluff
You pushed me over, fair enough
In high schools, hospitals, on holidays
I've seen your face in every goddamn state
My overdose, it was almost too late
You said it aged you when you saw my face
And a warm bed, well that was something
And history’s horse keeps on thumping
And it rolls on, rolls on
But it’s just no fun
When you hate the person you’ve become
Bitter, lonely, and isolated, before I know it I’ll be an old maid
But I love love, yes I do
Even when its weight cripples you
It rolls on, rolls on
I never loved that other man
He’s a fairy tale that I can’t have
And now I know how a fairy tale feels
You wanna marry me, you say that I’m the real deal
And I just don’t know how I got stuck
Guess there’s muscle memory for love
And if you try hard enough
You might once again call my bluff
Or you can roll on, roll on
But it’s just no fun
When your happiness is on the run
Jumping hurdles in life’s 10k,
It’s a marathon and love’s too late
But a warm bed is as good as it gets
Let’s settle down and have a couple of kids
And do like your parents did,
Or we can roll on, roll on, roll on
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| Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
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12:23 am
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I don't really feel like I just fought a dragon.
I feel a little like willow, season 6.
that really wasn't her best time, but season 7 turned out for the best.
"Well I'm changing all my strings
I'm gonna write another travelin' song
about all the billion highways
and the cities at the break of dawn
I guess the best that I can do now
is to pretend that I've done nothing wrong
and to dream about a train
that's gonna take me back where I belong
Well now the ocean speaks and spits
and I can hear it from the interstate
and I'm screamin' at my brother on a cellphone
he is far away
And I'm saying nothing in the past or future
ever will feel like today
until we're parking in an alley
just hoping that our shit is safe
So I go back and forth forever
All my thoughts they come in pairs
Oh I will, I won't, I doubt, I don't,
I'm not surprised but I never feel quite prepared
Now I'm hunched over a typewriter
I guess you call that paintin' in a cave
And there's a word I can't remember
and a feeling I cannot escape
And now my ashtray's overflowing
I'm still staring at a clean white page
Oh and morning's at my window
she is sending me to bed again
Well I dream the dark on the horizon
I dream the desert where the dead lay down
I dream a prostituted child touching an old man in a fast food crown
Oh yeah, I dreamt this ship was sinkin' there was people screaming all around
And I awoke to my alarm clock it was a pop song it was playin' loud
So I will find my fears and face them
or I will cower like a dog
I will kick and scream or kneel and plead
I'll fight like hell to hide that I've given up"
this is going to turn okay.
this is going to be okay.
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| Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
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3:05 pm - eeyore's house is made of sticks
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moratorium on blair terrorizing
girl has suffered low visitation to redeemability
and must now seek solace in the comforts of lonely rooms
or traveling other none-blair-knowing places
this may turn into biking, watch those streets!
yes ladies and gentlemen, she is the girl with the huge red target painted for easy visibilty
blair apologizes for any trouble this may cause to your summer plans
but she leaves the names and numbers of all other geeky knowitall annoying girls in her area
have your pick of the lot!
we have sci-fi, fantasy, and history nerds by the tons!
with this crowd, you'll be buying your ticket for the blairwho? project
coming soon to theatres near you...
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| Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
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2:54 pm
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so i'm letting less and less things get to me
or rather, trying to just differentiate between the crap and the important stuff
the stuff epics are made of
and now i'm off to see SAMMMMM if she'll have me
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| Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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7:13 pm
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| Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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10:06 pm - jeffs bracelet broke. i doubt anyone wears them but me anymore
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| Saturday, October 1st, 2005
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8:35 am
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this day will be long
but
i am so proud of cabaret
(the lights and and the set and the costumes)
even if some people think its shit
i like it
it fits
and and and
today is just looking up from the rest of the week
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| Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
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5:35 pm
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teapotsketch's journal